Mother-in-law.
Just saying that conjures up many images. Nearly everyone I know either has one, knows one, was divorced from one, or is considered one. The boundless jokes, the comic images. The stigma!
I am one. By definition that means my child is married. I have a daughter-in-law.
And she is a nightmare. She will someday become the iconic symbol of the hated, dreaded, picture-perfect-awful -- mother-in-law. (If blessed to live that long I will warn all unsuspecting little darlings...)
In her eyes, and by the words she speaks, I am a fuckin dyke-ass bitch. Yep.. that's me!! I got this lovely endearment because I am the mother of the young man that got involved with this train wreck. There was a time when her hateful words just had me in tears. Me holding out hope that someday she will see that I am not her enemy!! I'm just the Momma of a little boy she fell in love with!! But I don't believe that's ever gonna happen. So I have come to accept that she will never think of me differently.
I used to care.
It's interesting what you see in others at an older age than what you saw in others when you were young. I recognized what kind of girl D-i-L was the minute I met her. I tried to warn my son. Please,,, I see trouble!! But his eyes, they saw a beauty regardless of her unmannered ways, and so it began.
Now, 8 years later, my son and the beauty he fell in love with have become this all fightin pair of junk yard dogs going for the throat. And yes to that next question... the kids have become the pull toy between.
My son, Kyle, moved states away. I remain nearby in terms of where we live but no longer close to my grandkids. You see, because my son has removed himself physically from their relationship, I have been shifted to that all dreaded position of target one. When they get to bickering by phone and he has had enough, he will shut down the phone and this sends her on a ballistic rant straight to me. After all he is my son... so I am responsible... for all her hurt... for all her hate... for all her failure... it's on me. Her best defense now is to hurt me.. to hate me... to blame me. And yes, again, to that next question... the kids are kept from me as payment for all she endures. That's her get-even to Kyle.
But there's more. Much more here than just the 'hurt me because I'm his Momma'. Her problem with me is she has no control. And now that her words and her keeping the kids from me is having no effect, she becomes even more hateful towards me. Multiple voicemails telling me what a bitch I am, what a sorry son of a bitch Kyle is, (Let me quote.. "fuck u, fuck him.. fuck all y'all!!" That one is her favorite. Here's another... "if he don't send me money, none a y'all gonna see the kids.") All because I don't jump and run to help when she gives me the (many) ultimatums.
Not to make any type of excuse for her, some background is needed. This is a young woman who during her raising (and I am not placing blame on any one person in her family) learned a nasty behavior trait of getting loud and ugly to get what she wants. She will batter you to death!! Pushing every tender button in your psyche that she knows will weaken you. I have taken a lot of verbal crap from this one, and her dislike for me grows with each "NO" I've uttered.
As she is young and not very well behaved, I have stood my ground and not given in. My feelings toward her changed some when Kynzleigh died. Kynz was her second child. Just before she was about to turn 4 months, she choked in her sleep. No ones fault. It was a freak thing. God calling his Angel early. No rhyme or reason. Since I have not lost a child, I cannot begin to understand what she went through as a Mother. At any age, losing a child would be devastating. I have tried to deal with her a little more delicately than anyone else.
Done.
Now at that point where I am no longer going to endure her shit. I raised 2 children from the same cloth I was raised... you respect your elders. With me as a child, and with my kids... right or wrong there is NO ROOM for disrespect.
So who suffers most? Me!! I lose precious moments with the babies. Moments I wish to hold on to because I know oh so well how fast time goes by. Those years raising my own, the memories... I am losing that with these two. What are they losing? Time with Gramma...
But the lesson here, learned by my lovely D-i-L, and by the grandkids, will be ~~~ Don't be ugly to Gramma. and when Gramma says no, she means it.
This Mother-in-law has had enough.
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