I went on a road trip to St Louis recently. I rode with my Alabama Bestie who was going to a family get together. Her Dads family is from the area. Her husband happen to mention it one night and of course I blurted out... 'Can I go???" I so looked forward to this trip for multiple reasons.. the main being I would get to see my Mom. As her health is failing any opportunity to get to St Louis is top priority!! Getting to spend time with my friend was another benefit!
The only thing I had issues with was all those miles and I didn't drive. Oh... that was sooooo haaarrrrd... but! She can drive too! (Yay!!) The ride was mostly uneventful and as I rode along the same route I take when I am at the wheel, I saw things I don't normally notice. Little things, seen flying by through the windows. Eyes focused on the art of driving and these wonders go unseen.
As she drove and I rode, I was able to spy on all the other drivers. And I did me some looking! When I am driving the only thing I notice about those who are out on the roads are what vehicles they drive. I still pride myself on recognizing most makes and models of cars. I don't notice the occupants much (unless they have just acted a fool which requires me to visually voice my opinion on their stupidity! I do make it a point to initiate eye contact to be sure my 'voice' was heard).
I saw people of every race, sex and age. I saw people sitting solitarily or mini vans stuffed to the gills with kids, animals and general stuff. As I looked into a split second of their worlds, it's the people that caught my interest. And as I am a girl, I really looked at the men. How funny, just glancing for what?, a few seconds at the most?, I can decide whether he would be my type. Young, old, bald, hairy, big, small, light, dark... oh my gosh... if they look good... I like them all!! But I find I am drawn to a certain age group. Between 15 to 20 years younger than where I am. That's not a bad gap (.... well unless I was 30, then that would be creepy...)
It occurred to me that I was man-watching in the age group I most identify with. Even though I grow older physically, I have rested my mind in my late 30's early 40's. I truly believe that your mind stays young - always. So as I had this thought, I suddenly realized that the syndrome of the older man younger woman is just him reflecting his inner age.
What an epiphany!!
All the years I spent thinking of these dirty old men running around with young girls... ewww so nasty! Then in recent times more and more older woman running around with young men... ewww....... well.
Sometimes it takes a minute to get stuff. I found myself peering into all these lives as we flew past on the way to our destination, and I finally got it. It isn't at all what I envisioned it being. I understand. You do not intentionally go hunting someone younger. Our outsides become older. But not the insides. In the mind we remain our younger selves. The calendar that hangs on my wall says I will be 55 on my next birthday... but my mind does not follow that calendar. My mind doesn't follow any calendar. My mind is still at the beginning. As I learn more things I become more knowledgeable - yes - but that doesn't make me old!! So because I think as a young woman I forget the calendar and the age of my body. I think with the young mind that I still possess. I find myself more attracted to those who still have a love for life and the daring to live it.
I told my Mom about having these thoughts and she really floored me when she explained similar feelings. At 77 her body is in it's last days.. but her mind is still sharp as a tack. She told me she also doesn't "think" her age. I had to ask, "what's your thinking age"? She replied... "in my 50's"!! How strange!!
And so because of becoming enlightened to my current state of mind, my only thought is... I never wanna grow up!
Tuesday, June 5, 2012
Saturday, June 2, 2012
An Award? For me?
Now it is up to me to acknowledge said award.
The Sunshine Award rules are:
1. Include the award logo in a post or somewhere on your blog.
2. Answer 10 questions about yourself.
3. Nominate 10 to 12 other fabulous bloggers.
4. Link your nominees to the post and comment on their blog, letting them know about the award.
5. Share the love and link the person who nominated you.
Since I am not sure which 10 questions to answer (do I use those already asked of another blogger or am I suppose to make up 10 of my own??), so I will play it safe and answer the same 10 questions as the blogger who nominated me. So here goes...
1. What is a favorite childhood memory?
Playing street baseball better than any boy on my block.
2. What is a real fear you have?
Drowning.
3. How would you describe yourself?
A good girl who made a lot of bad choices.
4. What states have you lived in?
Missouri, Wyoming, New Mexico, Arizona, Minnesota, Florida and Alabama
5. What is your style?
Laid back and comfortable. Jeans and a tshirt.
6. What is your favorite breakfast food?
Biscuits and sausage gravy.
7. What are some of your hobbies?
I love making crafts, gardening and now... blogging!!
8. If you could tell people anything, what would be the most important thing to say?
Death is the ONLY thing you will not recover from. So LIVE your life.
9. What is one of your passions?
Music. I cannot and will not live without it.
10. What is one truth you have learned?
Growing older is dangerous.
Nominate other bloggers. The rules say 10 to 12. But I follow only 2. So I will nominate them...
Xanax or Running Shoes
Jeanna has a unique twist on life with words so well put together that you are instantly transported to where she is.
The Narcissists Blog
Teri conveys much of her angst with easy to read wordplay, she holds back nothing when expressing her views.
Both of these young women can have me holding my breath for the next line. Tears and laughter welling up inside me with their honesty and gutsy way of looking at life. Thank you ladies.
Now to link the blogger who nominated me...
Xanax or Running Shoes
That's 2 links on one page... you go Girly!! And thanks for being such a influential force in my world!
Ok... that about does it. I hope I can follow through and hold up this gracious award!
Thanks Again!!
Thursday, May 24, 2012
It wasn't the uniform, it was the action taken.
Honor.
Courage.
Commitment.
I am a huge supporter of our American Military. It doesn't matter what branch because all serve these beautiful United States of America. Because of them, I live free.
The extraordinary Men and Women who serve our country are, by far, the greatest Heros of my time. I thank them for their service to our country.
This gentleman is one of them.
And I thank him for this small but very important act...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=co-zSJSfUmE#!
Former Marine Mark Dolfini took time from his own life to honor a young man who loved the Marines. Unfortunately Cody lost his battle with leukemia. My heart fills with sadness for this young mans family. At the same time my heart fills with pride for Mr. Dolfini.
Thank you for your selfless act.
Thank you for your service to this great land in which we live.
And mostly, Thank You, Sir, for reminding me that in the end... it's about the human soul.
At a time when there is so much negativity in our world, all it takes is one small act of kindness to make me realize that Angels do walk among us.
Thursday, May 17, 2012
Up or down, how do you ride?
I had a 5am plane to meet this morning. Not much traffic driving into town, which was nice. I got to see the sunrise, and that's a switch, as I usually see it setting! The weather was beautiful, about 70 degrees. With work finished, heading home, this day's beauty in my face - both windows are down and the sunroof is wide open. I took my time driving home because I simply wasn't in a hurry. And that was nice too.
As I rode through the morning commuters, I was struck by the fact that very few drive with their windows down. Those who crack the window, say a couple inches, you don't count. I am talking about having all the windows all the way down. Once was the time when there were very few who rode with the windows up!! ("Oooo! (said in my envious voice) They must have air conditioning!!") There was more communication, more connection to others then. Not any more. So closed off from everyone else. In these vehicles that already have way too much going on for the average driver. I long for the good old days... when the dashboard was just a plain old dashboard. Not a media mecca. Not a docking station for portable devices. How fast I'm going and how much gas I have is all I really need to know!
I know most people nowadays would not consider giving up the comfort of their AC for any length of time. I prefer not to have or use AC. Yes, I do get hot without it. And sometimes even sticky. But I am used to it. As a society we have been...( haha for the lack of a better word...) conditioned!! Most folks feel as if they might die if they have to endure life without AC! And spoiled is all they have become.
I feel old realizing that things will never be like they used to be. I come from a time when you lived among people. You know, another human talking face to face.. or at least through an open window!
I like the fact that I can roll up to a stoplight and can hear that beautiful sound of a badass V8 rumbling in the next lane. Or hear the giggling of little kids as I roll past the schoolyard during recess. And the cheers coming from the stadium as the home team scores. So much life is missed all closed up in those vehicles.
When was the last time you rode with life blowing through your windows?
As I rode through the morning commuters, I was struck by the fact that very few drive with their windows down. Those who crack the window, say a couple inches, you don't count. I am talking about having all the windows all the way down. Once was the time when there were very few who rode with the windows up!! ("Oooo! (said in my envious voice) They must have air conditioning!!") There was more communication, more connection to others then. Not any more. So closed off from everyone else. In these vehicles that already have way too much going on for the average driver. I long for the good old days... when the dashboard was just a plain old dashboard. Not a media mecca. Not a docking station for portable devices. How fast I'm going and how much gas I have is all I really need to know!
I know most people nowadays would not consider giving up the comfort of their AC for any length of time. I prefer not to have or use AC. Yes, I do get hot without it. And sometimes even sticky. But I am used to it. As a society we have been...( haha for the lack of a better word...) conditioned!! Most folks feel as if they might die if they have to endure life without AC! And spoiled is all they have become.
I feel old realizing that things will never be like they used to be. I come from a time when you lived among people. You know, another human talking face to face.. or at least through an open window!
I like the fact that I can roll up to a stoplight and can hear that beautiful sound of a badass V8 rumbling in the next lane. Or hear the giggling of little kids as I roll past the schoolyard during recess. And the cheers coming from the stadium as the home team scores. So much life is missed all closed up in those vehicles.
When was the last time you rode with life blowing through your windows?
Monday, May 14, 2012
Who will kiss away this hurt?
It's Mother's Day. And it is a dreary rainy day here in Alabama. This weather certainly reflects my mood. My Mom is 500 miles away. On my mind she is, and without it being 'her special day' I am more worried about her than ever. She has emphysema. Full blown. She has been on oxygen for more than 10 years. During our last phone call she informed me that her air intake is at the maximum. This means, in regular people terms, that there are no portable tanks large enough to sustain her away from her home for more than an hour. Virtually homebound. This is very bad as my Mom, for her age (77) and physical health, is so independent! But her fate is inevitable.
I have seen her health declining the last couple times I've been to visit her. I've seen her struggle from point A to point B, literally losing her breath and having to stop and take a seat to catch her wind. I keep telling myself that she is okay, when in reality, she is not. As if this isn't bad enough news for the little girl in me, I am days away from the anniversary of my Father's death. It's been 28 years. Gone so long that I hardly remember what he looked like, or the sound of his voice.
I am longing for another time, so long ago. But it's gone, a distant memory. I want so desperately to go back. To an easier life, when things were so simple. I am feeling so low. On so many levels I have so much, yet I want for more. Nothing tangible comes to mind... only a longing. I miss my Dad and with my Moms health deteriorating it is coming at me full force. Feelings of loss are so thick I can hardly think.
Through the rain tonight, I will drive myself to work.
With those thoughts of days gone by...
I have seen her health declining the last couple times I've been to visit her. I've seen her struggle from point A to point B, literally losing her breath and having to stop and take a seat to catch her wind. I keep telling myself that she is okay, when in reality, she is not. As if this isn't bad enough news for the little girl in me, I am days away from the anniversary of my Father's death. It's been 28 years. Gone so long that I hardly remember what he looked like, or the sound of his voice.
I am longing for another time, so long ago. But it's gone, a distant memory. I want so desperately to go back. To an easier life, when things were so simple. I am feeling so low. On so many levels I have so much, yet I want for more. Nothing tangible comes to mind... only a longing. I miss my Dad and with my Moms health deteriorating it is coming at me full force. Feelings of loss are so thick I can hardly think.
Through the rain tonight, I will drive myself to work.
With those thoughts of days gone by...
Wednesday, May 2, 2012
My kid had bruised knuckles...ONCE
A friend posted a blog (http://xanaxorrunningshoes.com/2012/04/30/the-problem-with-your-children/) about her daughter being bullied on her school bus on the same day I read an article about a 5year old being arrested in Florida on felony charges. What the hell is happening to our world?? What happened to having personal responsibilities? Have we just lost our minds?
It seems you can't do anything anymore without some vindictive idiot calling 'foul'. That old school raising I had has proved to be timeless. I lived in a house that taught respect for people and rules. I lived in a house that taught personal responsibility. I lived in a house that used corporal punishment. You break the rules - you suffer the consequences. There was no grey area. My siblings and I are none the worse for wear because of it. In fact, we each raised our children with the same set of rules.
The school we attended also used corporal punishment, which at that time did not require my parents permission to be administered. Again... you break the rules - you suffered. And if you did happen to get a paddling at school, it wasn't over... you had to go home and face the paddling you would get from the parental unit because you had the nerve to misbehave at school!!
Not anymore. I don't know how it happened but we have become a society afraid. Why? Because someone decided that respect was too much work? The parents of little ones today have a world of hurt waiting around the corner for them...
Case in point, the 5 year old in Florida who threw a temper tantrum, attacked and punched the asst. principle. (http://www.cbsnews.com/2100-500202_162-690601.html) The little girl was handcuffed and put in a police cruiser. Now the lawyer for the mother plans on suing. I watched the video. It is disturbing. But a good spanking would have changed the whole story! I agree that the police should NOT have handcuffed her. In fact, they should have done NOTHING until the parent was present. But it doesn't take away the fact that the little girl is a damn BRAT!
Another case in point, the 10 year old who attacked her teacher after she had her halloween candy taken away. (http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2011/11/14/ten-year-old-girl-attacks_n_1093201.html) Kick that kids ass!! Good grief!! So the little shit threatened the teacher saying she was going to kill her... she did NOT learn this at school!! If she thinks it's okay to make idle threats, well guess where she learned it!!
The parent with bad parenting skills (the child learns this behavior from somewhere......) will try to get a cash settlement because she is raising a future bully?? And this is going to change things? I think not. We have coddled the stupid long enough!! And just what are they trying to reform?? You send your child to school to learn. To read, to write, to use the environment for social skills that will be needed as they become adults. No wonder we have so many stupid people who think the world owes them!! This has also put our schools at a disadvantage because of the fear of the personal retaliation from the parents. Start kicking their ass at home!! Kick their asses at school!! Teach them the difference between right and wrong. Lift each up to be an example of what happens when you misbehave!! I think what we lack most is teaching each child personal responsibility.
Oh but wait... I think that child has a problem.. we must remove said child from the regular classroom and put them in a special needs class. BULLSHIT!! All that does is solidifies in that childs mind that their behavior grants them special privileges! Oh but their behavior leads me to believe they might need some sort of medication. Oh. My. God. We are already an over-medicated society... that's right teach them in elementary school that your best bet to get out of something is to be ON something!!! What a wicked circle.
My friend's child is being bullied on her bus. My friend told her child to rear back and give the bully a good solid punch in the nose. Yay!! Good for her!! Now most people would be against this type of advice but I am not. I taught both my kids to stand up for themselves and if it got them in trouble with school officials that it would be okay. Because I would be there to back them up and I would help them through whatever punishment deemed necessary for their crime. But I would be the biggest voice those officials would hear. Yes, I actually had to go the the school because my son took matters into his own hands. And yes, he was punished. In fact, the other parent took us to court to pay for the hospital bill because Kyle broke his nose. Which I gladly paid. But in the end my son learned a valuable lesson, stick up for yourself at all costs. And he told me years later that NO ONE EVER BOTHERED HIM AGAIN. So for my friends child, and all those whose children find themselves being tormented by a bully... one good poke in the nose is worth a million reprimands.
It seems you can't do anything anymore without some vindictive idiot calling 'foul'. That old school raising I had has proved to be timeless. I lived in a house that taught respect for people and rules. I lived in a house that taught personal responsibility. I lived in a house that used corporal punishment. You break the rules - you suffer the consequences. There was no grey area. My siblings and I are none the worse for wear because of it. In fact, we each raised our children with the same set of rules.
The school we attended also used corporal punishment, which at that time did not require my parents permission to be administered. Again... you break the rules - you suffered. And if you did happen to get a paddling at school, it wasn't over... you had to go home and face the paddling you would get from the parental unit because you had the nerve to misbehave at school!!
Not anymore. I don't know how it happened but we have become a society afraid. Why? Because someone decided that respect was too much work? The parents of little ones today have a world of hurt waiting around the corner for them...
Case in point, the 5 year old in Florida who threw a temper tantrum, attacked and punched the asst. principle. (http://www.cbsnews.com/2100-500202_162-690601.html) The little girl was handcuffed and put in a police cruiser. Now the lawyer for the mother plans on suing. I watched the video. It is disturbing. But a good spanking would have changed the whole story! I agree that the police should NOT have handcuffed her. In fact, they should have done NOTHING until the parent was present. But it doesn't take away the fact that the little girl is a damn BRAT!
Another case in point, the 10 year old who attacked her teacher after she had her halloween candy taken away. (http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2011/11/14/ten-year-old-girl-attacks_n_1093201.html) Kick that kids ass!! Good grief!! So the little shit threatened the teacher saying she was going to kill her... she did NOT learn this at school!! If she thinks it's okay to make idle threats, well guess where she learned it!!
The parent with bad parenting skills (the child learns this behavior from somewhere......) will try to get a cash settlement because she is raising a future bully?? And this is going to change things? I think not. We have coddled the stupid long enough!! And just what are they trying to reform?? You send your child to school to learn. To read, to write, to use the environment for social skills that will be needed as they become adults. No wonder we have so many stupid people who think the world owes them!! This has also put our schools at a disadvantage because of the fear of the personal retaliation from the parents. Start kicking their ass at home!! Kick their asses at school!! Teach them the difference between right and wrong. Lift each up to be an example of what happens when you misbehave!! I think what we lack most is teaching each child personal responsibility.
Oh but wait... I think that child has a problem.. we must remove said child from the regular classroom and put them in a special needs class. BULLSHIT!! All that does is solidifies in that childs mind that their behavior grants them special privileges! Oh but their behavior leads me to believe they might need some sort of medication. Oh. My. God. We are already an over-medicated society... that's right teach them in elementary school that your best bet to get out of something is to be ON something!!! What a wicked circle.
My friend's child is being bullied on her bus. My friend told her child to rear back and give the bully a good solid punch in the nose. Yay!! Good for her!! Now most people would be against this type of advice but I am not. I taught both my kids to stand up for themselves and if it got them in trouble with school officials that it would be okay. Because I would be there to back them up and I would help them through whatever punishment deemed necessary for their crime. But I would be the biggest voice those officials would hear. Yes, I actually had to go the the school because my son took matters into his own hands. And yes, he was punished. In fact, the other parent took us to court to pay for the hospital bill because Kyle broke his nose. Which I gladly paid. But in the end my son learned a valuable lesson, stick up for yourself at all costs. And he told me years later that NO ONE EVER BOTHERED HIM AGAIN. So for my friends child, and all those whose children find themselves being tormented by a bully... one good poke in the nose is worth a million reprimands.
Sunday, April 29, 2012
Pet Peeve, Come'on... you got one
I haven't written in awhile. That bothers me. I have been thinking alot about my blog and I realize that it's not off the cuff writing. I think about what I want to write about, then I think about it some more... and then I have so over-thought whatever my subject matter was that I have a hard time getting it written! Those first few blogs I wrote inspired me, but now I find myself struggling.
I have been following a few blogs and I realize that it's more about jotting thoughts down. Which I can do, but will they come out as a great thought or a bunch of jumbled words? Guess I will ponder that thought and see what I can do with it. So with that said...
I have a pet peeve. I know it's dumb.
Most drivers on the road today know the basics about driving (at least I am trying to give them credit..) I don't see cars driving on the wrong side of the road because most get the flow of traffic. But get em in a parking lot and all bets are off. Nothing irritates me more than turning down an aisle clearly marked with an arrow only to find some idiot driving against the arrow, and then to give me the evil eye as if I were the idiot!! I know, I know... in the scheme of things this is relatively mild. But in my world it's HUGE!! There are many other infractions that happen in my driving world everyday! I feel this is the worst. I actually know a woman who was telling me about the guy who backed out of his parking spot only to bang into her car and it pushed in the entire passenger side of her car. As she is telling me this story, I am feeling her pain. "He just backed right into me!! And now his insurance doesn't want to fix it because he is saying it's my fault! He didn't even look before he backed out."
Ok, I am really feeling her pain. Until.... I discover... he did look before backing out. He just didn't look the opposite way because who drives against the arrows??
Good Freakin' Grief.
I have been following a few blogs and I realize that it's more about jotting thoughts down. Which I can do, but will they come out as a great thought or a bunch of jumbled words? Guess I will ponder that thought and see what I can do with it. So with that said...
I have a pet peeve. I know it's dumb.
Most drivers on the road today know the basics about driving (at least I am trying to give them credit..) I don't see cars driving on the wrong side of the road because most get the flow of traffic. But get em in a parking lot and all bets are off. Nothing irritates me more than turning down an aisle clearly marked with an arrow only to find some idiot driving against the arrow, and then to give me the evil eye as if I were the idiot!! I know, I know... in the scheme of things this is relatively mild. But in my world it's HUGE!! There are many other infractions that happen in my driving world everyday! I feel this is the worst. I actually know a woman who was telling me about the guy who backed out of his parking spot only to bang into her car and it pushed in the entire passenger side of her car. As she is telling me this story, I am feeling her pain. "He just backed right into me!! And now his insurance doesn't want to fix it because he is saying it's my fault! He didn't even look before he backed out."
Ok, I am really feeling her pain. Until.... I discover... he did look before backing out. He just didn't look the opposite way because who drives against the arrows??
Good Freakin' Grief.
Sunday, April 22, 2012
How come August got left out?
As the year begins we block time increments around holidays.
January, of course is recovery month.... after the Christmas holidays. It begins with New Years Day. The first day of the new year... so much promise!! So many resolutions!! It also has Martin Luther King Day. But do you know anyone who celebrates this day? I'm not talking about getting the day off work either... I mean really understand and celebrate the day?
Februrary has Valentine's Day. As a kid it was so much fun, the shoebox of funny Valentines brought home from school. Hoping to find that one special one from you know who!! As an adult, it's just a forced holiday that makes a lot of folks uncomfortable due to their personal situations. Who wants to be reminded that you are under the gun to do something special for your partner? Isn't that something you should be doing without prompting? And who wants to be reminded that they are running 'single' (as if it's some sort of disease!!)? Everywhere you look it's about love and couples and hearts and flowers... this is depressing if you are single. Nothing like a holiday to ram home that fact. This month also has Presidents Day. When was the last time you heard of anyone celebrating Presidents Day that wasn't having a sale of some kind?
March has the ever so strange St. Patrick's Day. Ok, green beer and cabbage... and all those clover leaves everywhere!!! How many kids today are aware of the 'old timey' way to celebrate... If you're not wearing green you get a pinch!??
With April comes Easter. It's sort of 2 holidays in one. You have the spiritual aspect, Jesus rose from the dead and we rejoice! And then the secular side with the Bunny, candy and Egg Hunts.
May, of course brings May flowers... but it's Mother's Day that is most important. After all, without her... would we be?? May also has Memorial Day. This is celebrated with BBQ's and beer, but how many understand the real meaning of this day? How many truly thank and respect those who made the ultimate sacrifice for the freedoms we enjoy (and which now, some of those freedoms come under fire with our current administration).
June is truly the beginning of Summer, as most schools begin the summer vacation. This month contains Father's Day. Wonder why we don't put as much effort into this day as we do Mother's Day? (After all, it took both of them for me to get here.....) This month also includes one of my favorite days... Flag Day!! Oh how I love the Red, White and Blue!! An important Amercian birthday!! But then the next month is The American Birthday....
July 4th!! Happy Birthday America!!
August is our most laid back month.... no holidays to note. Most schools now start in August, so there is a lot of school shopping, clothes and supplies. And it is the lead in to the last 4 months of the year which to me are the most aggressive of holidays.
We start in September. Labor Day. Another strange holiday. The first Monday of the month and we recognize the economic and social contributions of workers. Who really gets that? I am still confused. There are so many birthdays of friends and relatives in this month and mine too!! So keeping up with all of said birthdays is a full month job!!
October is the one that has my all time favorite holiday.... Halloween!!! This is the one day a year that anyone can be whatever they want to be for one day and not be judged!! (Unless you're one of those holy roller types that does not agree with this holiday... ) I am not into the devil worshipper thing that surrounds this day. It's all about the fun!! The costumes!! The decorations!! The candy!! I love it!!
We now arrive at the most laid back of holidays, Thanksgiving. This is, truly, the eating holiday. The turkey or ham dinner that puts everyone over the edge and turns 80% of us into couch potatoes. Yes, most of us think of all the things we are grateful for, but it really comes down to the food.
And now... for the grand finale.... Christmas!! This too, is a two in one holiday. This is the day we celebrate Jesus' birth. And of course the other guy, who wears a red suit.... Santa. As a child this is the ulitmate holiday.. that one day a year that your wishes might come true. The anticipation of it. The thrill of it. The excitement!! And then we reach the end of the year... the last day... New Years Eve. Hate to say it. But it will never be the same without Dick Clark.
January, of course is recovery month.... after the Christmas holidays. It begins with New Years Day. The first day of the new year... so much promise!! So many resolutions!! It also has Martin Luther King Day. But do you know anyone who celebrates this day? I'm not talking about getting the day off work either... I mean really understand and celebrate the day?
Februrary has Valentine's Day. As a kid it was so much fun, the shoebox of funny Valentines brought home from school. Hoping to find that one special one from you know who!! As an adult, it's just a forced holiday that makes a lot of folks uncomfortable due to their personal situations. Who wants to be reminded that you are under the gun to do something special for your partner? Isn't that something you should be doing without prompting? And who wants to be reminded that they are running 'single' (as if it's some sort of disease!!)? Everywhere you look it's about love and couples and hearts and flowers... this is depressing if you are single. Nothing like a holiday to ram home that fact. This month also has Presidents Day. When was the last time you heard of anyone celebrating Presidents Day that wasn't having a sale of some kind?
March has the ever so strange St. Patrick's Day. Ok, green beer and cabbage... and all those clover leaves everywhere!!! How many kids today are aware of the 'old timey' way to celebrate... If you're not wearing green you get a pinch!??
With April comes Easter. It's sort of 2 holidays in one. You have the spiritual aspect, Jesus rose from the dead and we rejoice! And then the secular side with the Bunny, candy and Egg Hunts.
May, of course brings May flowers... but it's Mother's Day that is most important. After all, without her... would we be?? May also has Memorial Day. This is celebrated with BBQ's and beer, but how many understand the real meaning of this day? How many truly thank and respect those who made the ultimate sacrifice for the freedoms we enjoy (and which now, some of those freedoms come under fire with our current administration).
June is truly the beginning of Summer, as most schools begin the summer vacation. This month contains Father's Day. Wonder why we don't put as much effort into this day as we do Mother's Day? (After all, it took both of them for me to get here.....) This month also includes one of my favorite days... Flag Day!! Oh how I love the Red, White and Blue!! An important Amercian birthday!! But then the next month is The American Birthday....
July 4th!! Happy Birthday America!!
August is our most laid back month.... no holidays to note. Most schools now start in August, so there is a lot of school shopping, clothes and supplies. And it is the lead in to the last 4 months of the year which to me are the most aggressive of holidays.
We start in September. Labor Day. Another strange holiday. The first Monday of the month and we recognize the economic and social contributions of workers. Who really gets that? I am still confused. There are so many birthdays of friends and relatives in this month and mine too!! So keeping up with all of said birthdays is a full month job!!
October is the one that has my all time favorite holiday.... Halloween!!! This is the one day a year that anyone can be whatever they want to be for one day and not be judged!! (Unless you're one of those holy roller types that does not agree with this holiday... ) I am not into the devil worshipper thing that surrounds this day. It's all about the fun!! The costumes!! The decorations!! The candy!! I love it!!
We now arrive at the most laid back of holidays, Thanksgiving. This is, truly, the eating holiday. The turkey or ham dinner that puts everyone over the edge and turns 80% of us into couch potatoes. Yes, most of us think of all the things we are grateful for, but it really comes down to the food.
And now... for the grand finale.... Christmas!! This too, is a two in one holiday. This is the day we celebrate Jesus' birth. And of course the other guy, who wears a red suit.... Santa. As a child this is the ulitmate holiday.. that one day a year that your wishes might come true. The anticipation of it. The thrill of it. The excitement!! And then we reach the end of the year... the last day... New Years Eve. Hate to say it. But it will never be the same without Dick Clark.
Friday, April 6, 2012
What part of NO didn't she get, the N or the O?
Mother-in-law.
Just saying that conjures up many images. Nearly everyone I know either has one, knows one, was divorced from one, or is considered one. The boundless jokes, the comic images. The stigma!
I am one. By definition that means my child is married. I have a daughter-in-law.
And she is a nightmare. She will someday become the iconic symbol of the hated, dreaded, picture-perfect-awful -- mother-in-law. (If blessed to live that long I will warn all unsuspecting little darlings...)
In her eyes, and by the words she speaks, I am a fuckin dyke-ass bitch. Yep.. that's me!! I got this lovely endearment because I am the mother of the young man that got involved with this train wreck. There was a time when her hateful words just had me in tears. Me holding out hope that someday she will see that I am not her enemy!! I'm just the Momma of a little boy she fell in love with!! But I don't believe that's ever gonna happen. So I have come to accept that she will never think of me differently.
I used to care.
It's interesting what you see in others at an older age than what you saw in others when you were young. I recognized what kind of girl D-i-L was the minute I met her. I tried to warn my son. Please,,, I see trouble!! But his eyes, they saw a beauty regardless of her unmannered ways, and so it began.
Now, 8 years later, my son and the beauty he fell in love with have become this all fightin pair of junk yard dogs going for the throat. And yes to that next question... the kids have become the pull toy between.
My son, Kyle, moved states away. I remain nearby in terms of where we live but no longer close to my grandkids. You see, because my son has removed himself physically from their relationship, I have been shifted to that all dreaded position of target one. When they get to bickering by phone and he has had enough, he will shut down the phone and this sends her on a ballistic rant straight to me. After all he is my son... so I am responsible... for all her hurt... for all her hate... for all her failure... it's on me. Her best defense now is to hurt me.. to hate me... to blame me. And yes, again, to that next question... the kids are kept from me as payment for all she endures. That's her get-even to Kyle.
But there's more. Much more here than just the 'hurt me because I'm his Momma'. Her problem with me is she has no control. And now that her words and her keeping the kids from me is having no effect, she becomes even more hateful towards me. Multiple voicemails telling me what a bitch I am, what a sorry son of a bitch Kyle is, (Let me quote.. "fuck u, fuck him.. fuck all y'all!!" That one is her favorite. Here's another... "if he don't send me money, none a y'all gonna see the kids.") All because I don't jump and run to help when she gives me the (many) ultimatums.
Not to make any type of excuse for her, some background is needed. This is a young woman who during her raising (and I am not placing blame on any one person in her family) learned a nasty behavior trait of getting loud and ugly to get what she wants. She will batter you to death!! Pushing every tender button in your psyche that she knows will weaken you. I have taken a lot of verbal crap from this one, and her dislike for me grows with each "NO" I've uttered.
As she is young and not very well behaved, I have stood my ground and not given in. My feelings toward her changed some when Kynzleigh died. Kynz was her second child. Just before she was about to turn 4 months, she choked in her sleep. No ones fault. It was a freak thing. God calling his Angel early. No rhyme or reason. Since I have not lost a child, I cannot begin to understand what she went through as a Mother. At any age, losing a child would be devastating. I have tried to deal with her a little more delicately than anyone else.
Done.
Now at that point where I am no longer going to endure her shit. I raised 2 children from the same cloth I was raised... you respect your elders. With me as a child, and with my kids... right or wrong there is NO ROOM for disrespect.
So who suffers most? Me!! I lose precious moments with the babies. Moments I wish to hold on to because I know oh so well how fast time goes by. Those years raising my own, the memories... I am losing that with these two. What are they losing? Time with Gramma...
But the lesson here, learned by my lovely D-i-L, and by the grandkids, will be ~~~ Don't be ugly to Gramma. and when Gramma says no, she means it.
This Mother-in-law has had enough.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Just saying that conjures up many images. Nearly everyone I know either has one, knows one, was divorced from one, or is considered one. The boundless jokes, the comic images. The stigma!
I am one. By definition that means my child is married. I have a daughter-in-law.
And she is a nightmare. She will someday become the iconic symbol of the hated, dreaded, picture-perfect-awful -- mother-in-law. (If blessed to live that long I will warn all unsuspecting little darlings...)
In her eyes, and by the words she speaks, I am a fuckin dyke-ass bitch. Yep.. that's me!! I got this lovely endearment because I am the mother of the young man that got involved with this train wreck. There was a time when her hateful words just had me in tears. Me holding out hope that someday she will see that I am not her enemy!! I'm just the Momma of a little boy she fell in love with!! But I don't believe that's ever gonna happen. So I have come to accept that she will never think of me differently.
I used to care.
It's interesting what you see in others at an older age than what you saw in others when you were young. I recognized what kind of girl D-i-L was the minute I met her. I tried to warn my son. Please,,, I see trouble!! But his eyes, they saw a beauty regardless of her unmannered ways, and so it began.
Now, 8 years later, my son and the beauty he fell in love with have become this all fightin pair of junk yard dogs going for the throat. And yes to that next question... the kids have become the pull toy between.
My son, Kyle, moved states away. I remain nearby in terms of where we live but no longer close to my grandkids. You see, because my son has removed himself physically from their relationship, I have been shifted to that all dreaded position of target one. When they get to bickering by phone and he has had enough, he will shut down the phone and this sends her on a ballistic rant straight to me. After all he is my son... so I am responsible... for all her hurt... for all her hate... for all her failure... it's on me. Her best defense now is to hurt me.. to hate me... to blame me. And yes, again, to that next question... the kids are kept from me as payment for all she endures. That's her get-even to Kyle.
But there's more. Much more here than just the 'hurt me because I'm his Momma'. Her problem with me is she has no control. And now that her words and her keeping the kids from me is having no effect, she becomes even more hateful towards me. Multiple voicemails telling me what a bitch I am, what a sorry son of a bitch Kyle is, (Let me quote.. "fuck u, fuck him.. fuck all y'all!!" That one is her favorite. Here's another... "if he don't send me money, none a y'all gonna see the kids.") All because I don't jump and run to help when she gives me the (many) ultimatums.
Not to make any type of excuse for her, some background is needed. This is a young woman who during her raising (and I am not placing blame on any one person in her family) learned a nasty behavior trait of getting loud and ugly to get what she wants. She will batter you to death!! Pushing every tender button in your psyche that she knows will weaken you. I have taken a lot of verbal crap from this one, and her dislike for me grows with each "NO" I've uttered.
As she is young and not very well behaved, I have stood my ground and not given in. My feelings toward her changed some when Kynzleigh died. Kynz was her second child. Just before she was about to turn 4 months, she choked in her sleep. No ones fault. It was a freak thing. God calling his Angel early. No rhyme or reason. Since I have not lost a child, I cannot begin to understand what she went through as a Mother. At any age, losing a child would be devastating. I have tried to deal with her a little more delicately than anyone else.
Done.
Now at that point where I am no longer going to endure her shit. I raised 2 children from the same cloth I was raised... you respect your elders. With me as a child, and with my kids... right or wrong there is NO ROOM for disrespect.
So who suffers most? Me!! I lose precious moments with the babies. Moments I wish to hold on to because I know oh so well how fast time goes by. Those years raising my own, the memories... I am losing that with these two. What are they losing? Time with Gramma...
But the lesson here, learned by my lovely D-i-L, and by the grandkids, will be ~~~ Don't be ugly to Gramma. and when Gramma says no, she means it.
This Mother-in-law has had enough.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Thursday, March 15, 2012
What's a driving girl to do?
I want to scream!
Things are changing at such a fast pace that I almost can't keep up! What happened to courtesy? What happened to COMMON SENSE??? Remember when... oh. my. gosh..... I've begun the process of remembering how things used to be. How different life has become.... someone.. quick.. save meeeee.......
Driving.
It has always been one of my great joys. The ability of moving around in a little box on wheels going wherever I guide the steering wheel. There is something very exhilarating about it for me. These days I climb behind the wheel and I witness how much times have changed. Too damn many cars on the road. Too many drivers. Way too many!! Of every age. Driving cars that are too much. Since we live in a world where we are absolutely drowning in technology, cars have taken on new meaning. So many added conveniences. So many added diversions. Nothing is like it used to be. I now see why my parents used to say "things were so much easier when I was younger." As I slip into that same mindset, it rings so true.....
With the addition of more and more drivers, seems there are more rules and more policing. But at the same time less common sense and less courtsey. Our world has become an 'all about me' world. Evident in the designs of the these capsules we call vehicles, now with video on the go, telephone through the dashboard, a little screen with a voice telling you to make a u-turn you're going the wrong way! Good Grief!!
Give me a car, with a radio, windows that roll down, gas in the tank and a damn road map! I will show you what true driving is about. The sheer joy of it. Not many share that feeling. In fact, I wonder how many of us are left? I know there are car enthusiasts out there, those who find the car a most amazing entity. But I am wondering how many are about the drive itself. The control of it. The freedom of it.
I have been an aggressive driver all my driving career. The need for speed... =). It puts a smile on my face. I would like to state for the record, that I do pay for the privilege, and quite heavily. I have paid many hundreds of dollars over the years in speeding fines and court costs. You play, you pay. Got it. Have never complained about it either. I will also add, that for all the times I've been pulled over by those in blue, I am running about a 7 out of 10 rate of talking myself out of said violation!! =) =) (double smiles!!) But now it's not so easy. Not only are our cars techno-equipped but so are those who pull us over, with the latest laptop and satellite service, they know everything about me there is to know, if they want to know it. Geeez. Really?
(I want stop and thank all those folks out there who have choosen a life of crime, who do terribly bad things, hurt people or run drugs. YOU, my friend, are the reason we have more and more rules and laws that invade my privacy, all while you are taking advantage and then when you are caught, tried and convicted, and you now live off my dime in a prison somewhere.... you *&#k!!!)
There used to be unwritten rules of the road. It might just be in my mind, but it seems to me common sense was necessary. Common courtesy was part of the good ole days too. Oh, I miss it so. I wish I could start a movement, a class of some kind ... a "Hey Dumbass, You're Not the Only Driver on the Road" course. I would love to be an instructor! I would put a video camera on my car to show these idiots just how dumb they are.... (example, tonight on my way home, a car in the center lane engaged it's left turn signal, and then glided into the right lane and exited to the right, still with the left turn signal blinking..... I shake my head.)
Oh I see the car with 2 little kids jumping on the backseat as the driver speeds past me!? I see that car with the elderly couple out for a drive going the exact speed limit in the far left lane of any road they travel! I see that car with the young kid rocking along a little faster than he thinks he's going, only to cut off a semi tractor with a loaded trailer and doesn't realize that the semi does not have the stopping power that he does in that car. And let's not forget my favorite, the tiny little woman, bravely wrapped in that BIG SUV, driving that thing like she is indestructible and answers to no one. Every day someone like each of these described, cause accidents or gum up the flow of traffic.
All I want to do is drive. Without the worry and the stress of fighting the stupid, for the right of way.
Things are changing at such a fast pace that I almost can't keep up! What happened to courtesy? What happened to COMMON SENSE??? Remember when... oh. my. gosh..... I've begun the process of remembering how things used to be. How different life has become.... someone.. quick.. save meeeee.......
Driving.
It has always been one of my great joys. The ability of moving around in a little box on wheels going wherever I guide the steering wheel. There is something very exhilarating about it for me. These days I climb behind the wheel and I witness how much times have changed. Too damn many cars on the road. Too many drivers. Way too many!! Of every age. Driving cars that are too much. Since we live in a world where we are absolutely drowning in technology, cars have taken on new meaning. So many added conveniences. So many added diversions. Nothing is like it used to be. I now see why my parents used to say "things were so much easier when I was younger." As I slip into that same mindset, it rings so true.....
With the addition of more and more drivers, seems there are more rules and more policing. But at the same time less common sense and less courtsey. Our world has become an 'all about me' world. Evident in the designs of the these capsules we call vehicles, now with video on the go, telephone through the dashboard, a little screen with a voice telling you to make a u-turn you're going the wrong way! Good Grief!!
Give me a car, with a radio, windows that roll down, gas in the tank and a damn road map! I will show you what true driving is about. The sheer joy of it. Not many share that feeling. In fact, I wonder how many of us are left? I know there are car enthusiasts out there, those who find the car a most amazing entity. But I am wondering how many are about the drive itself. The control of it. The freedom of it.
I have been an aggressive driver all my driving career. The need for speed... =). It puts a smile on my face. I would like to state for the record, that I do pay for the privilege, and quite heavily. I have paid many hundreds of dollars over the years in speeding fines and court costs. You play, you pay. Got it. Have never complained about it either. I will also add, that for all the times I've been pulled over by those in blue, I am running about a 7 out of 10 rate of talking myself out of said violation!! =) =) (double smiles!!) But now it's not so easy. Not only are our cars techno-equipped but so are those who pull us over, with the latest laptop and satellite service, they know everything about me there is to know, if they want to know it. Geeez. Really?
(I want stop and thank all those folks out there who have choosen a life of crime, who do terribly bad things, hurt people or run drugs. YOU, my friend, are the reason we have more and more rules and laws that invade my privacy, all while you are taking advantage and then when you are caught, tried and convicted, and you now live off my dime in a prison somewhere.... you *&#k!!!)
There used to be unwritten rules of the road. It might just be in my mind, but it seems to me common sense was necessary. Common courtesy was part of the good ole days too. Oh, I miss it so. I wish I could start a movement, a class of some kind ... a "Hey Dumbass, You're Not the Only Driver on the Road" course. I would love to be an instructor! I would put a video camera on my car to show these idiots just how dumb they are.... (example, tonight on my way home, a car in the center lane engaged it's left turn signal, and then glided into the right lane and exited to the right, still with the left turn signal blinking..... I shake my head.)
Oh I see the car with 2 little kids jumping on the backseat as the driver speeds past me!? I see that car with the elderly couple out for a drive going the exact speed limit in the far left lane of any road they travel! I see that car with the young kid rocking along a little faster than he thinks he's going, only to cut off a semi tractor with a loaded trailer and doesn't realize that the semi does not have the stopping power that he does in that car. And let's not forget my favorite, the tiny little woman, bravely wrapped in that BIG SUV, driving that thing like she is indestructible and answers to no one. Every day someone like each of these described, cause accidents or gum up the flow of traffic.
All I want to do is drive. Without the worry and the stress of fighting the stupid, for the right of way.
Wednesday, February 29, 2012
24 Extra Hours
I've been reading all the hoopla about Leap Day. Every four years we get an extra day. Ok. Extra day. 24 more hours than the last couple years... how do I make it count? I've decided to make today my own personal "Leap Year Brag Day".
I truly have so much to brag about. I am alive! That is the biggest!! Just in my lifetime, the death toll of family and friends is very high, and death has touched someone of every age. From the oldest, my grandfather in his early 90's, to the youngest, my granddaughter who was only 4 months old, I just don't understand death. I guess I am not suppose to understand it. With every death, I find myself with more and more questions as to the rhyme and reason of each life. Why are some so lucky to live a long life and others not given a chance to even know they have a life? I just don't get it. But!! The gratitude I have~ that I woke up breathing this morning, WOW!, now that is LIFE!!
I am happy to say that I also enjoy good health. As a 50's something, I can still get around pretty good. I have the use of all my limbs. I can still hear and see well (yes I wear glasses, but if you're over 40 - who doesn't!?!). About to hit a 15 year milestone of giving up cigarettes. (woo hooo!!) After all the drug experimentation back in the day and living life on the edge of everything all my life, I count each day a blessing. I think the most important of all is I have a good attitude about life. I am one lucky girl. I work 2 jobs, one is physically demanding and I can still keep up!! (Yay!) I am a gamer, I have a DS 3D that I take everywhere with me!! I read alot and now claim to be a 'writer'!! Can't get any better than this!
I am grateful for my relationship. I am coming up to a 4 year anniversary of the night I met Del. From the minute I met him, I was completely and utterly comfortable. I know that sounds lame. And not very romantic. I went through all that in my younger years, you know, basing everything on those 'feelings' of love and desire. Not to say Del and I don't have those feelings but from the very beginning we just connected. For the first time in all my history with men, I didn't just jump in the sack with him. We waited. And agonizingly we waited some more. We had this discussion about finding out if we could be friends first. Both of us burned so badly by mistakes made in failed relationships. We hung out, we drank, we ate, we enjoyed time together, acting like high schoolers with all consuming crushes.... and the wait paid off!! I've not felt so sure of anything in my life as I am about his feelings for me. As human beings we strive for the ultimate feeling of love and security from our partners, and in Del I have that. I must say also, I love him like no one else in my life.
I have a fantastic family unit. 2 great kids, 6 wonderful grankids. My Mom is living at age 77, by herself and to this day still inspires me. Lost my Father many years ago, and is one of the few relationships I wish I had today. I have both my siblings and all my nieces and nephews and their families.....and it just keeps growing!!
I also have a wonderful 'family' of friends. I was not much of a friend to women as I grew up, girls as a rule are just so stupid. (Guy friendships were easier because there was no competition, even now men are more approachable than women.) I did manage to find a rare few that clicked with me. I am not an easy woman to know if you are a woman. I am sorta standoffish. Not that I think I am better or that I don't measure up or that they are or don't... but just not that much in common. I've been told that I am somewhat overbearing. Not really, I just don't take shit and I think for myself. Some women find that trait hard to deal with. Good. If you have issues with that, then you have too much drama for me. I have discovered as I age that those few women I have befriended over the years, have become a great part of my grand scheme in life. Without them, how could I grow? In the last few years I have made a couple new girlbuddy friendships. I am learning so much about myself from all of these very different and amazing women. For this, I am grateful beyond words.
Am I happy? Yes. Am I grateful? Yes. Am I satisfied with my life? Mostly. Truth be told, I would not go back and change a moment. Every little thing that has happened in my life has brought me to today. How in the hell could I not be grateful??
I truly have so much to brag about. I am alive! That is the biggest!! Just in my lifetime, the death toll of family and friends is very high, and death has touched someone of every age. From the oldest, my grandfather in his early 90's, to the youngest, my granddaughter who was only 4 months old, I just don't understand death. I guess I am not suppose to understand it. With every death, I find myself with more and more questions as to the rhyme and reason of each life. Why are some so lucky to live a long life and others not given a chance to even know they have a life? I just don't get it. But!! The gratitude I have~ that I woke up breathing this morning, WOW!, now that is LIFE!!
I am happy to say that I also enjoy good health. As a 50's something, I can still get around pretty good. I have the use of all my limbs. I can still hear and see well (yes I wear glasses, but if you're over 40 - who doesn't!?!). About to hit a 15 year milestone of giving up cigarettes. (woo hooo!!) After all the drug experimentation back in the day and living life on the edge of everything all my life, I count each day a blessing. I think the most important of all is I have a good attitude about life. I am one lucky girl. I work 2 jobs, one is physically demanding and I can still keep up!! (Yay!) I am a gamer, I have a DS 3D that I take everywhere with me!! I read alot and now claim to be a 'writer'!! Can't get any better than this!
I am grateful for my relationship. I am coming up to a 4 year anniversary of the night I met Del. From the minute I met him, I was completely and utterly comfortable. I know that sounds lame. And not very romantic. I went through all that in my younger years, you know, basing everything on those 'feelings' of love and desire. Not to say Del and I don't have those feelings but from the very beginning we just connected. For the first time in all my history with men, I didn't just jump in the sack with him. We waited. And agonizingly we waited some more. We had this discussion about finding out if we could be friends first. Both of us burned so badly by mistakes made in failed relationships. We hung out, we drank, we ate, we enjoyed time together, acting like high schoolers with all consuming crushes.... and the wait paid off!! I've not felt so sure of anything in my life as I am about his feelings for me. As human beings we strive for the ultimate feeling of love and security from our partners, and in Del I have that. I must say also, I love him like no one else in my life.
I have a fantastic family unit. 2 great kids, 6 wonderful grankids. My Mom is living at age 77, by herself and to this day still inspires me. Lost my Father many years ago, and is one of the few relationships I wish I had today. I have both my siblings and all my nieces and nephews and their families.....and it just keeps growing!!
I also have a wonderful 'family' of friends. I was not much of a friend to women as I grew up, girls as a rule are just so stupid. (Guy friendships were easier because there was no competition, even now men are more approachable than women.) I did manage to find a rare few that clicked with me. I am not an easy woman to know if you are a woman. I am sorta standoffish. Not that I think I am better or that I don't measure up or that they are or don't... but just not that much in common. I've been told that I am somewhat overbearing. Not really, I just don't take shit and I think for myself. Some women find that trait hard to deal with. Good. If you have issues with that, then you have too much drama for me. I have discovered as I age that those few women I have befriended over the years, have become a great part of my grand scheme in life. Without them, how could I grow? In the last few years I have made a couple new girlbuddy friendships. I am learning so much about myself from all of these very different and amazing women. For this, I am grateful beyond words.
Am I happy? Yes. Am I grateful? Yes. Am I satisfied with my life? Mostly. Truth be told, I would not go back and change a moment. Every little thing that has happened in my life has brought me to today. How in the hell could I not be grateful??
Wednesday, February 22, 2012
Thank you Motley Crue!
I wanted to be a singer. Not for the fame. Not for the notoriety. But just cause it feels so good to sing. The endorphins it creates!! It's a serious happy feeling! I retain, in this damaged brain, lyrics to songs long thought forgotten! Due to not having any real singing voice, I am regulated to singing for myself ~ at very high decibels ~ in my car ~ with my stereo up ~ way too loud! Since the car wreck, my little thumper is out of commission, I now wear earbuds (this is so I still cannot hear myself!) because hoopty has only big hole where radio should be. But in my mind... I am the one belting out the heartfelt sentiment that every song carries. I am that pain. I am the rock. I am that joyousness. I am the roll. I am that lover. I am all those and more. It doesn't matter the genre of the music either. I have such an eclectic mix of music on my ipod which spans them all. If I had to choose a specific, it would probably be the blues. Sad, love starved blues, the sadder the better... what a pick me up!!
I have done this since I was a kid, my sister and me, on the big front porch, an old floor lamp with no shade and the bulb holder bent upward to look like a microphone on a stand, screaming out Diana Ross and the Supremes... Aretha Franklin and the Jackson 5. What a memory!!
A couple days ago, I looked out the window at my little blue car, sitting there in the yard, a sad wounded look about it. I longed to jump in it and run up the road.... sigh. Then a flicker of an idea!!! I loaded my ipod with a few heavy bump songs and grabbed my keys. I went out, started the car and plugged in the ipod. The first song began, I cranked the volume and began to feel it. The vibration of the bass flooded my little car, the drivers seat one continuous wave of subtle movement felt only by my body. And the music runs through me like water flows in a creek. Big sigh.. I miss this so much..... and so the singing begins.
(It's not an ordinary car stereo here, I (Yes I said I) removed factory stereo and replaced it with a Sony Xplode and I have two 12's driven by 800 watts, in a huge box that takes up the entire trunk. It may not be a high end system but it cranks for me!!)
I sat in that car, maybe an hour, singing, banging on the steering wheel, feeling the power of the music, feeling the love or pain of the words Iscreamed sang. The only thing missing was the movement, the actual driving of the vehicle. But inside me, heart racing, mind searching for lyrics, crackly voice trying to keep up, I felt alive!
I can't imagine what the neighbors thought I was doing, but it didn't matter to me, just as it doesn't matter to me what the average other driver on the road thinks when they spy me wailing away in my own little world. To me this is heaven. Sorry,
gotta go,
now playing....
Kickstart My Heart!!
=)
I have done this since I was a kid, my sister and me, on the big front porch, an old floor lamp with no shade and the bulb holder bent upward to look like a microphone on a stand, screaming out Diana Ross and the Supremes... Aretha Franklin and the Jackson 5. What a memory!!
A couple days ago, I looked out the window at my little blue car, sitting there in the yard, a sad wounded look about it. I longed to jump in it and run up the road.... sigh. Then a flicker of an idea!!! I loaded my ipod with a few heavy bump songs and grabbed my keys. I went out, started the car and plugged in the ipod. The first song began, I cranked the volume and began to feel it. The vibration of the bass flooded my little car, the drivers seat one continuous wave of subtle movement felt only by my body. And the music runs through me like water flows in a creek. Big sigh.. I miss this so much..... and so the singing begins.
(It's not an ordinary car stereo here, I (Yes I said I) removed factory stereo and replaced it with a Sony Xplode and I have two 12's driven by 800 watts, in a huge box that takes up the entire trunk. It may not be a high end system but it cranks for me!!)
I sat in that car, maybe an hour, singing, banging on the steering wheel, feeling the power of the music, feeling the love or pain of the words I
I can't imagine what the neighbors thought I was doing, but it didn't matter to me, just as it doesn't matter to me what the average other driver on the road thinks when they spy me wailing away in my own little world. To me this is heaven. Sorry,
gotta go,
now playing....
Kickstart My Heart!!
=)
Friday, February 17, 2012
There's always a knock at the door.
Two days this week I woke up and my first thought was about dying. Unfortunately for me, this is an underlying enemy in my everyday life, the idea I will die. As we all know... it's inevitable. I cannot change the outcome. We're born. We live. We die. There are those who believe there is life after death. There are those who believe there is nothing else. When I became old enough to understand the cycle of life thing, the burning question was... why? WHY? Why be born at all if that is the end result? I was never the same.
When I made friends with that nice guardrail last November, it was never so clear that I risk my life daily just waking up. I've had a strange feeling in me that I just haven't been able to calm. I had an absolutely frightening, in my face, introduction to the idea that someday I won't be here. Funny as that sounds~ as if I were just going to jump in my car and you wouldn't see me for a while but I'd be back, oh no! I won't be here. Gone. Forever. Period. Believe me, the idea of death scares me. I'm sure it does everyone, but I am so afraid I haven't done what I'm meant to do in this life (or have I done it already and don't know??) or what I think I really want to do... which is... what.. exactly?
Still.... there is a yearning. And the death theme keeps looming...
Whitney Houston. It's taken me a few days to soak it in. Oh, I've heard all the things the media has said someone else was quoted as saying. She was an angel. She was an addict. She was beautiful. She was a wreck. She had talent. BIG talent. I was mesmerized by her voice. So clear and crisp. She sang with such sweet grace. Yet for all her success, she was an addict. All that beauty, and she looked in the mirror and an addict looked back. And she was an addict for a very long time. I don't know all the details, but she rode a roller coaster ride of drugs and disfunction. Only she had money and fame to do what ever it was she was doing. Money doesn't save you. Fame doesn't save you. And now... dead at 48. Did she accomplish whatever it was she was supposed to do before leaving this life? Is her death just another wake up call for me?
I don't have fame. I don't have money. I'm not an addict. Well at least not a drug addict. (I have other vises that could be considered addictions. But we'll leave that for another post.) I will not do anything that will touch as many humans as the sound of Whitney's voice. So of the few hundred people who did, who do and have yet to know me, will I make much of a difference?
Whitney left behind, not only a child, but a legacy of music. My own ride from cradle to grave.. just what will my defining legacy be? Of course my bloodline will continue as I have kids and grankids, but is there something more? I can't stop my death, I can't even prolong it. My last breath will be just that. The last. I find myself on the razors edge. On the verge, as something keeps pulling at me from all sides. Is it just life trying to get out?
When I made friends with that nice guardrail last November, it was never so clear that I risk my life daily just waking up. I've had a strange feeling in me that I just haven't been able to calm. I had an absolutely frightening, in my face, introduction to the idea that someday I won't be here. Funny as that sounds~ as if I were just going to jump in my car and you wouldn't see me for a while but I'd be back, oh no! I won't be here. Gone. Forever. Period. Believe me, the idea of death scares me. I'm sure it does everyone, but I am so afraid I haven't done what I'm meant to do in this life (or have I done it already and don't know??) or what I think I really want to do... which is... what.. exactly?
Still.... there is a yearning. And the death theme keeps looming...
Whitney Houston. It's taken me a few days to soak it in. Oh, I've heard all the things the media has said someone else was quoted as saying. She was an angel. She was an addict. She was beautiful. She was a wreck. She had talent. BIG talent. I was mesmerized by her voice. So clear and crisp. She sang with such sweet grace. Yet for all her success, she was an addict. All that beauty, and she looked in the mirror and an addict looked back. And she was an addict for a very long time. I don't know all the details, but she rode a roller coaster ride of drugs and disfunction. Only she had money and fame to do what ever it was she was doing. Money doesn't save you. Fame doesn't save you. And now... dead at 48. Did she accomplish whatever it was she was supposed to do before leaving this life? Is her death just another wake up call for me?
I don't have fame. I don't have money. I'm not an addict. Well at least not a drug addict. (I have other vises that could be considered addictions. But we'll leave that for another post.) I will not do anything that will touch as many humans as the sound of Whitney's voice. So of the few hundred people who did, who do and have yet to know me, will I make much of a difference?
Whitney left behind, not only a child, but a legacy of music. My own ride from cradle to grave.. just what will my defining legacy be? Of course my bloodline will continue as I have kids and grankids, but is there something more? I can't stop my death, I can't even prolong it. My last breath will be just that. The last. I find myself on the razors edge. On the verge, as something keeps pulling at me from all sides. Is it just life trying to get out?
Saturday, February 4, 2012
How fast was that again?
30 years.
That block of time went by in the 'blink of an eye'. Stupid saying, but so true. Defined by my daughter Shelby, my 'Booboo', as I loving refer to her, who was born Feb 11, 1982. As her 30th birthday approaches I am so overwhelmed by thoughts of her. Her actual birth day was such a surprise! I had returned to Minneapolis just a few days earlier from a trip to St.Louis. A St.Louis baby shower!! It had been stressful not because I had flown, but because the day I was to board my plane and leave St.Louis, there was a blizzard and I couldn't even get off my Mom's street to make it to the airport!! The entire midwest was covered with record snowfalls.. most types of transportation were near stand still conditions! But it was just a one day inconvenience as St.Louis plowed through the mess and got the city going again the following day.
Not due until March 21st, my little sweetie decided she was ready to make her entrance... (so like her mother, with that unfortunate personality flaw - does not like waiting!!) And the next thing I knew I was holding this tiny little creature, all 5 pounds and 1/2 ounce of her.
If you had asked me, (well you didn't even have to ask me as I voiced my opinion quite loudly on the subject!!) I would have told you that I didn't want to have children. I was a very selfish entity that could only think about the immediate needs of ME. In fact, at 25, I still had growing up issues! My mind never wrapped itself around the idea of being a parent. I had even said many times that if I were to get pregnant, then I would take means necessary to change that status.
One day, after a few days of not feeling well, my best friend brought me a pregnancy test! No! Not possible!! But the damn thing said yes. Ok. Here I am. After all the bragging of what I would do if.... I now find myself at that crossroad. But, something inside... something inside.. I agonized over it, I changed my outlook on things and I stepped into a different world. The world of Motherhood. ugh. Even the sound of it. This is going to be so hard. What was I thinking??
As any woman can tell you having a first child is extremely frightening and extremely exciting!! There is nothing like it to explain the mixed emotions. The body changes... the belly... the mood swings... it was wonderfully distressing! I don't know if I would have been more prepared mentally for her arrival if it had been closer to the 'supposed' due date. The fact she busted out early was soooo my life!! When they placed this so very small bundle in my arms... my heart screamed bring it on!! I have so many stories about my little sweetie. So many cool things that only her and I share. The unconventional upbringing she has had shaped her into the loving, caring mother of three she has become. She is someone who taught me about myself in her innocence and teaches me to this day.
30 years.
It went by in a blink of an eye...
That block of time went by in the 'blink of an eye'. Stupid saying, but so true. Defined by my daughter Shelby, my 'Booboo', as I loving refer to her, who was born Feb 11, 1982. As her 30th birthday approaches I am so overwhelmed by thoughts of her. Her actual birth day was such a surprise! I had returned to Minneapolis just a few days earlier from a trip to St.Louis. A St.Louis baby shower!! It had been stressful not because I had flown, but because the day I was to board my plane and leave St.Louis, there was a blizzard and I couldn't even get off my Mom's street to make it to the airport!! The entire midwest was covered with record snowfalls.. most types of transportation were near stand still conditions! But it was just a one day inconvenience as St.Louis plowed through the mess and got the city going again the following day.
Not due until March 21st, my little sweetie decided she was ready to make her entrance... (so like her mother, with that unfortunate personality flaw - does not like waiting!!) And the next thing I knew I was holding this tiny little creature, all 5 pounds and 1/2 ounce of her.
If you had asked me, (well you didn't even have to ask me as I voiced my opinion quite loudly on the subject!!) I would have told you that I didn't want to have children. I was a very selfish entity that could only think about the immediate needs of ME. In fact, at 25, I still had growing up issues! My mind never wrapped itself around the idea of being a parent. I had even said many times that if I were to get pregnant, then I would take means necessary to change that status.
One day, after a few days of not feeling well, my best friend brought me a pregnancy test! No! Not possible!! But the damn thing said yes. Ok. Here I am. After all the bragging of what I would do if.... I now find myself at that crossroad. But, something inside... something inside.. I agonized over it, I changed my outlook on things and I stepped into a different world. The world of Motherhood. ugh. Even the sound of it. This is going to be so hard. What was I thinking??
As any woman can tell you having a first child is extremely frightening and extremely exciting!! There is nothing like it to explain the mixed emotions. The body changes... the belly... the mood swings... it was wonderfully distressing! I don't know if I would have been more prepared mentally for her arrival if it had been closer to the 'supposed' due date. The fact she busted out early was soooo my life!! When they placed this so very small bundle in my arms... my heart screamed bring it on!! I have so many stories about my little sweetie. So many cool things that only her and I share. The unconventional upbringing she has had shaped her into the loving, caring mother of three she has become. She is someone who taught me about myself in her innocence and teaches me to this day.
It went by in a blink of an eye...
Sunday, January 29, 2012
Lemming? Don't think so.
I was talking to my close friend about my newfound blogging career. The ins, the outs, the ups and downs. What I took away from that conversation was that - in everything I might possibly write about, I should keep it honest and real. My dilemma with this is - that of all those who know me.... they really don't! Can I write so honestly that of those who know me well, will they be shocked? Will they judge me differently? There is so much about me that is unknown to most. It's funny because I liken this thought to a funeral and those who knew the deceased are amazed because each one brought something new to light that the others hadn't known about! Which goes to show that we humans are indeed multi-faceted creatures!
How do I let others know me when I'm still figuring out who the hell I am?? I've been trying to find the right word to describe me and the word that's foremost in my mind is..... Unconventional. Yep! That's it... oh there are so many other words I wish I could use, but that one.... well it calls to me.
I wasn't a conventional kid. I wasn't a conventional teenager. I wasn't a conventional girlfriend or wife. I wasn't even a conventional mother. In fact, I don't think I am conventional now in any sense. This could be the reason behind my never feeling as if I fit in anywhere. I am the oldest of three children. As a kids, my sister got along great with my Dad and my little brother was Mom's favorite. I grew up wondering why I had been born, why had I been born a girl. It just wasn't fair. I say that because in this time I am referring, men had most of the advantages, women were so restricted! (Just want to clarify... no resemblance to Chaz Bono!!) I was given a name I did not like. I was never comfortable with myself. I wanted to run with the boys, which I did. Not in the giddy girl sense... but because I was a tomboy. I played baseball. I wasn't afraid of bugs or animals or getting dirty. I rode my bike as fast and as hard as any kid on my block!
Most of my bravado was born of insecurity. Then and sometimes now. I wanted so much to fit in that I did many things that weren't good for me. I had a rebellious streak that kept me in trouble most of the time. As a kid I argued and butted heads with my Dad. I must have driven him crazy. I think sometimes of the crap I've gone through with my own kids and I know I must have had him scratching his head. Poor man. In those years right before he died, we had gotten on the same page about something when I had my first child. Finally friends. I don't know if he ever knew how I sorry I am for putting him through the wringer.
I was raised in the idea that girls were designed for one reason - to marry, have kids, cook and clean... the whole 1950's vibe of the stay at home woman. NO! Not me!! I don't want those things.. I don't want to settle down!! I don't want kids!! I want the freedom to do whatever I want to do. Go where ever I want to go. I want this without having to ask permission from anyone. No one is going to tell me what to do! All the screaming and fussing with my Dad - I did everything I could to show him he couldn't best me. I was spanked, I was whipped, I was exiled to my room. I was grounded, I wasn't allowed to do fun things I should have been doing. I had everything that was important to me taken away. But it didn't matter... he couldn't take my thoughts, or my dreams. I spent a lot of time thinking of the moment I would grow up! and be an adult! and not have to answer to anyone! What. a. dumbass.
I spent a lot of time looking for acceptance. What little I did manage to find was fleeting. Because instead of looking within me, I was looking for it in others. Validating myself by what others thought of me. My first drug experience was in high school, a boy who liked me spiked my chocolate shake with mesculine (a hallucinogenic) without my knowing. I was expelled for 4 months, he was expelled forever. When I returned, no one treated me the same because now I was considered a 'druggie'. I quit one month after returning. Soon after I found myself caught up with people I barely knew and trying all different drugs. I took things based on someone holding it out and saying... "it won't hurt you, try it!" I began a downward spiral of relationships with boys and then men who weren't right. Those bad boys that girls love so much... I wanted them. I wasn't much of a threat either because I was 'one of them'. I was able to distract them long enough to bed me because of my eagerness to please. I went from one relationship to another, searching but not finding, that elusive feeling that I was someone. I didn't realize that I would never find it in another. I didn't realize that for a very long time.
Looking back, I am surprised I am alive. I pushed my personal envelope soooo far. Yet. I still live. I still am. Wonder why?
How do I let others know me when I'm still figuring out who the hell I am?? I've been trying to find the right word to describe me and the word that's foremost in my mind is..... Unconventional. Yep! That's it... oh there are so many other words I wish I could use, but that one.... well it calls to me.
I wasn't a conventional kid. I wasn't a conventional teenager. I wasn't a conventional girlfriend or wife. I wasn't even a conventional mother. In fact, I don't think I am conventional now in any sense. This could be the reason behind my never feeling as if I fit in anywhere. I am the oldest of three children. As a kids, my sister got along great with my Dad and my little brother was Mom's favorite. I grew up wondering why I had been born, why had I been born a girl. It just wasn't fair. I say that because in this time I am referring, men had most of the advantages, women were so restricted! (Just want to clarify... no resemblance to Chaz Bono!!) I was given a name I did not like. I was never comfortable with myself. I wanted to run with the boys, which I did. Not in the giddy girl sense... but because I was a tomboy. I played baseball. I wasn't afraid of bugs or animals or getting dirty. I rode my bike as fast and as hard as any kid on my block!
Most of my bravado was born of insecurity. Then and sometimes now. I wanted so much to fit in that I did many things that weren't good for me. I had a rebellious streak that kept me in trouble most of the time. As a kid I argued and butted heads with my Dad. I must have driven him crazy. I think sometimes of the crap I've gone through with my own kids and I know I must have had him scratching his head. Poor man. In those years right before he died, we had gotten on the same page about something when I had my first child. Finally friends. I don't know if he ever knew how I sorry I am for putting him through the wringer.
I was raised in the idea that girls were designed for one reason - to marry, have kids, cook and clean... the whole 1950's vibe of the stay at home woman. NO! Not me!! I don't want those things.. I don't want to settle down!! I don't want kids!! I want the freedom to do whatever I want to do. Go where ever I want to go. I want this without having to ask permission from anyone. No one is going to tell me what to do! All the screaming and fussing with my Dad - I did everything I could to show him he couldn't best me. I was spanked, I was whipped, I was exiled to my room. I was grounded, I wasn't allowed to do fun things I should have been doing. I had everything that was important to me taken away. But it didn't matter... he couldn't take my thoughts, or my dreams. I spent a lot of time thinking of the moment I would grow up! and be an adult! and not have to answer to anyone! What. a. dumbass.
I spent a lot of time looking for acceptance. What little I did manage to find was fleeting. Because instead of looking within me, I was looking for it in others. Validating myself by what others thought of me. My first drug experience was in high school, a boy who liked me spiked my chocolate shake with mesculine (a hallucinogenic) without my knowing. I was expelled for 4 months, he was expelled forever. When I returned, no one treated me the same because now I was considered a 'druggie'. I quit one month after returning. Soon after I found myself caught up with people I barely knew and trying all different drugs. I took things based on someone holding it out and saying... "it won't hurt you, try it!" I began a downward spiral of relationships with boys and then men who weren't right. Those bad boys that girls love so much... I wanted them. I wasn't much of a threat either because I was 'one of them'. I was able to distract them long enough to bed me because of my eagerness to please. I went from one relationship to another, searching but not finding, that elusive feeling that I was someone. I didn't realize that I would never find it in another. I didn't realize that for a very long time.
Looking back, I am surprised I am alive. I pushed my personal envelope soooo far. Yet. I still live. I still am. Wonder why?
Saturday, January 21, 2012
An Unexpected Afternoon Escape
As I grow older I realize I envy the young. Oh how I long for those lost lazy days of being a kid with nothing to do and not much to worry about. Except how I look, does that boy I like even know I'm alive, will I ever be ungrounded (!!), will I get a good grade on that paper I wrote... you know - the important stuff!! Haha!! Those were the days when I dreamed of being older! How could I know that at the same time most adults were dreaming of being younger?? What a cruel twist of fate!!
I was recently transported back in time. Complete with all the adolescent feelings I had long forgotten. When I was in grade school, there was a reading program that once every so often the teacher would pass out an order sheet for easy read books. I have always had a love for horses. I would do extra chores at home, or go on a hunt for bottles to return to the store for deposit money, just to make that little bit to buy every one that involved a horse. I gobbled up those books like a hungry animal and would read those that grabbed my heart over and over. Gentle Like a Cyclone, The Blind Colt, The Red Pony, Black Beauty and of course National Velvet. Books were my escapism from a childhood that I was not very happy in. To be involved in the storyline was easy and away I would go, on one adventure after another.
I found myself in town recently with an unexpected couple of hours on my hands. I was angry at first, as now I am stuck, what to do?? Drive home only to turn around and drive back to town? (For those of you who don't know - I live 35 miles from my job, and that's driving through town!! Which means at least 45 to 50 minutes one way!) It's the middle of the day, everyone I know is at work.. ugh now what?? So on a whim I thought, 'go to a movie!' Well I checked a couple of theaters and not too many movies starting at that time except one... War Horse. I had seen the trailers for this movie, it looked interesting but not something I thought I just had to see. What the hell. It was now 2:10 pm, movie starts at 2:30 pm across town... could I make it? I could miss the first few minutes I suppose, although I HATE that, because you might miss an important moment that effects the rest of the movie. Whatever... I got in the hoopty and away I flew!
I paid for my ticket, stopped at the concession stand, (after all what's a movie without buttered popcorn and a handful of napkins!?!?) then proceeded to the door marked War Horse. I opened the door to total darkness... ever so slowly made my way to a seat and sat down. To my surprise another preview began and I realize I made it in time to catch the entire movie!! Awesome!
Within minutes of the movie beginning I was caught up! As it progressed I became the young girl I use to be, transported back to my room, laying on my bed with my nose buried deep in a book. In my mind I am in the story, living the life that's printed on the pages in my hands. The beauty of the horse appealed to me like no other animal. Each horse as individual as the story written about it. Back in the theater, as the story unfolded on that big screen, all those old emotions were as vivid to me as they were back then ... anger at this, joy at that, and (thankful for that handful of napkins) crying at the sadness of another part.
The movie ended, the lights slowly returning and I just sat there. Surprised to find myself at a crossroads such as this. Elated that I enjoyed such a great movie. But at the same time a sad sense of melancholy, at lost youth and at lost innocence.
I was recently transported back in time. Complete with all the adolescent feelings I had long forgotten. When I was in grade school, there was a reading program that once every so often the teacher would pass out an order sheet for easy read books. I have always had a love for horses. I would do extra chores at home, or go on a hunt for bottles to return to the store for deposit money, just to make that little bit to buy every one that involved a horse. I gobbled up those books like a hungry animal and would read those that grabbed my heart over and over. Gentle Like a Cyclone, The Blind Colt, The Red Pony, Black Beauty and of course National Velvet. Books were my escapism from a childhood that I was not very happy in. To be involved in the storyline was easy and away I would go, on one adventure after another.
I found myself in town recently with an unexpected couple of hours on my hands. I was angry at first, as now I am stuck, what to do?? Drive home only to turn around and drive back to town? (For those of you who don't know - I live 35 miles from my job, and that's driving through town!! Which means at least 45 to 50 minutes one way!) It's the middle of the day, everyone I know is at work.. ugh now what?? So on a whim I thought, 'go to a movie!' Well I checked a couple of theaters and not too many movies starting at that time except one... War Horse. I had seen the trailers for this movie, it looked interesting but not something I thought I just had to see. What the hell. It was now 2:10 pm, movie starts at 2:30 pm across town... could I make it? I could miss the first few minutes I suppose, although I HATE that, because you might miss an important moment that effects the rest of the movie. Whatever... I got in the hoopty and away I flew!
I paid for my ticket, stopped at the concession stand, (after all what's a movie without buttered popcorn and a handful of napkins!?!?) then proceeded to the door marked War Horse. I opened the door to total darkness... ever so slowly made my way to a seat and sat down. To my surprise another preview began and I realize I made it in time to catch the entire movie!! Awesome!
Within minutes of the movie beginning I was caught up! As it progressed I became the young girl I use to be, transported back to my room, laying on my bed with my nose buried deep in a book. In my mind I am in the story, living the life that's printed on the pages in my hands. The beauty of the horse appealed to me like no other animal. Each horse as individual as the story written about it. Back in the theater, as the story unfolded on that big screen, all those old emotions were as vivid to me as they were back then ... anger at this, joy at that, and (thankful for that handful of napkins) crying at the sadness of another part.
The movie ended, the lights slowly returning and I just sat there. Surprised to find myself at a crossroads such as this. Elated that I enjoyed such a great movie. But at the same time a sad sense of melancholy, at lost youth and at lost innocence.
Wednesday, January 11, 2012
Time to Accessorize
Style. We all have our own. Each feeling comfortable with our special quirk. I've always admired those who can rock the latest trends. And in each decade I've lived, I have seen some interesting trends!! Even went through a few myself! (Hip hugger jeans in the 70's!! Leg warmers in the 80's!!)
But personal style in nothing without accessories. Hats, earrings, handbags, belts, shoes, boots... the list is endless. Each of us has that one item that once we've got it on, the attitude changes and we walk a little taller! I've never been much of a clothes horse, I am the most comfortable in jeans, t-shirt and a great pair of broken-in Reeboks. It's my accessory that makes me.
I have one friend with a bracelet fetish, another a collector of handbags, and one who loves boots. But me? My favorite accessory? My car. Yep, I said it. My car. There is nothing like it. Climbing behind the wheel, adjusting every thing just so... pushing the clutch pedal in, gliding the shifter into 1st gear, aahhh... for me, that's heaven. I just love to drive. Let me say that again... I just love to drive!!
I have always had a thing for cars. Every car I've owned in my driving career, no matter what shape the poor thing was in, I tried to fix, cover, or disguise.. I'd wash, wax and shine to make it look it's best. Once that was achieved, I'd sit a little taller, my disposition more self assured and I'd feel fantastic!!
Oh, I've felt the sting of finding one of my favorite sweaters in the dryer - now 3 sizes smaller than me! Another sting of one missing (and still lost!) diamond earring! The loss of that favorite item, whatever it may be, is painful. (Damn! I looked great in that!!) Oh... Ouch!! Stung again!! Only this time it's my FAVORITE accessory!!
A few days before Thanksgiving, on my way to work in the pouring rain, I caught a patch of standing water in the road and it spun my little blue car around in circles and then crashed into the guard rail. Many blessings were counted - I was not hurt - no other cars or people involved - no property damaged. Whew!! Poor little thing took a hard hit though and has been parked in our driveway since, awaiting judgement as to whether or not it can be fixed. Another blessing is that I do own another vehicle, so I was not without a car. Things changed though... car #2 is now down for the count. Fixable? Yes, but very, very costly.
I am now driving one of Del's cars. I am not complaining, as it is a way to get from point A to point B. It's just that I am not myself in this vehicle. It's a hoopty. Just typing that word depresses me. A black car with a white hood and one white fender. Ok, imagine that beautiful leather coat you love to wear, because it just wears you so well. It's gone. Now imagine another black coat but someone has ripped the collar and one sleeve off of it and replaced it with dirty white corduroy... are you with me? Let's just say... I DON'T WANNAWEAR THIS COAT DRIVE THIS CAR!!!
Umm, sorry, but it goes beyond just looking hoopty! To get out of said vehicle, you have to roll the window down to open door from outside as it has no inside door handle. When it rains it drips on your left leg. The dashboard has a huge void where a radio once resided. Now a big gaping hole with wires dangling. (Anyone who knows me knows that music is a BIG DEAL with me..... smh). But the kicker of this hoopty (as if these few things were not enough) is I must lift the hood and touch a wire to the positive post on the battery to start it!!!! Arrggg!!! Really??
I am not, in any way, under valuing the fact that I have a car to drive. I realize there are many that do not have the luxury of having multiple cars to use. For this I am very grateful. But my vanity is suffering!!
Ok, I've come to the conclusion it is time for a new coat... er, car. Not necessarily a new one... just one that is new to me. The hunt has begun. It's sorta like contemplating a new hair style. Hmm.. wonder what the future has in store?
But personal style in nothing without accessories. Hats, earrings, handbags, belts, shoes, boots... the list is endless. Each of us has that one item that once we've got it on, the attitude changes and we walk a little taller! I've never been much of a clothes horse, I am the most comfortable in jeans, t-shirt and a great pair of broken-in Reeboks. It's my accessory that makes me.
I have one friend with a bracelet fetish, another a collector of handbags, and one who loves boots. But me? My favorite accessory? My car. Yep, I said it. My car. There is nothing like it. Climbing behind the wheel, adjusting every thing just so... pushing the clutch pedal in, gliding the shifter into 1st gear, aahhh... for me, that's heaven. I just love to drive. Let me say that again... I just love to drive!!
I have always had a thing for cars. Every car I've owned in my driving career, no matter what shape the poor thing was in, I tried to fix, cover, or disguise.. I'd wash, wax and shine to make it look it's best. Once that was achieved, I'd sit a little taller, my disposition more self assured and I'd feel fantastic!!
Oh, I've felt the sting of finding one of my favorite sweaters in the dryer - now 3 sizes smaller than me! Another sting of one missing (and still lost!) diamond earring! The loss of that favorite item, whatever it may be, is painful. (Damn! I looked great in that!!) Oh... Ouch!! Stung again!! Only this time it's my FAVORITE accessory!!
A few days before Thanksgiving, on my way to work in the pouring rain, I caught a patch of standing water in the road and it spun my little blue car around in circles and then crashed into the guard rail. Many blessings were counted - I was not hurt - no other cars or people involved - no property damaged. Whew!! Poor little thing took a hard hit though and has been parked in our driveway since, awaiting judgement as to whether or not it can be fixed. Another blessing is that I do own another vehicle, so I was not without a car. Things changed though... car #2 is now down for the count. Fixable? Yes, but very, very costly.
I am now driving one of Del's cars. I am not complaining, as it is a way to get from point A to point B. It's just that I am not myself in this vehicle. It's a hoopty. Just typing that word depresses me. A black car with a white hood and one white fender. Ok, imagine that beautiful leather coat you love to wear, because it just wears you so well. It's gone. Now imagine another black coat but someone has ripped the collar and one sleeve off of it and replaced it with dirty white corduroy... are you with me? Let's just say... I DON'T WANNA
Umm, sorry, but it goes beyond just looking hoopty! To get out of said vehicle, you have to roll the window down to open door from outside as it has no inside door handle. When it rains it drips on your left leg. The dashboard has a huge void where a radio once resided. Now a big gaping hole with wires dangling. (Anyone who knows me knows that music is a BIG DEAL with me..... smh). But the kicker of this hoopty (as if these few things were not enough) is I must lift the hood and touch a wire to the positive post on the battery to start it!!!! Arrggg!!! Really??
I am not, in any way, under valuing the fact that I have a car to drive. I realize there are many that do not have the luxury of having multiple cars to use. For this I am very grateful. But my vanity is suffering!!
Ok, I've come to the conclusion it is time for a new coat... er, car. Not necessarily a new one... just one that is new to me. The hunt has begun. It's sorta like contemplating a new hair style. Hmm.. wonder what the future has in store?
Sunday, January 8, 2012
My First Blog.
They say every person you ever meet will influence your life in some way. Some changes are visible immediately, some are rather subtle, and some you won't realize their effect for years. This is where I am at. This is where I will begin. My current influencer (sp?) has lit the proverbial fire under my tail about writing. I have always been able to tell a great story but to put words to paper? In recent years I have been thinking about writing a book. But in order to begin my book writing, I have decided to start small. The above mentioned influencer is a blogger that I have followed faithfully since we've met. She is a source of great inspiration and I admire her. I also thank her.
I chose my blog name, "I'm how old?", because I am over 50 and I don't feel it. I always thought that as I grew older my mind would also. Not true. My mind is the same one I've had all my life and it hasn't aged a minute!! But when I look in the mirror, a face that defies my mind looks back at me and my body, well, it's beginning to feel the aches of growing older. I am not very happy about it. Of course, I could run out and have all kinds of plastic surgery to counter said effects... but I would go broke! Besides, wasn't I raised under the assumption that aging is a blessing and promotes wisdom? Damn lies. My personal mantra is based on a quote I have no idea who said.... "Growing old in mandatory but growing up is optional."
I may mature... but I will never grow up. With that said, my blogging life begins. Welcome to my world and stay tuned!!
I chose my blog name, "I'm how old?", because I am over 50 and I don't feel it. I always thought that as I grew older my mind would also. Not true. My mind is the same one I've had all my life and it hasn't aged a minute!! But when I look in the mirror, a face that defies my mind looks back at me and my body, well, it's beginning to feel the aches of growing older. I am not very happy about it. Of course, I could run out and have all kinds of plastic surgery to counter said effects... but I would go broke! Besides, wasn't I raised under the assumption that aging is a blessing and promotes wisdom? Damn lies. My personal mantra is based on a quote I have no idea who said.... "Growing old in mandatory but growing up is optional."
I may mature... but I will never grow up. With that said, my blogging life begins. Welcome to my world and stay tuned!!
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