Thank you Motley Crue!

I wanted to be a singer. Not for the fame. Not for the notoriety. But just cause it feels so good to sing. The endorphins it creates!! It's a serious happy feeling! I retain, in this damaged brain, lyrics to songs long thought forgotten! Due to not having any real singing voice, I am regulated to singing for myself ~ at very high decibels ~ in my car ~ with my stereo up ~ way too loud! Since the car wreck, my little thumper is out of commission, I now wear earbuds (this is so I still cannot hear myself!) because hoopty has only big hole where radio should be.  But in my mind... I am the one belting out the heartfelt sentiment that every song carries. I am that pain. I am the rock. I am that joyousness. I am the roll. I am that lover. I am all those and more. It doesn't matter the genre of the music either. I have such an eclectic mix of music on my ipod which spans them all. If I had to choose a specific, it would probably be the blues. Sad, love starved blues, the sadder the better... what a pick me up!!
I have done this since I was a kid, my sister and me, on the big front porch, an old floor lamp with no shade and the bulb holder bent upward to look like a microphone on a stand, screaming out Diana Ross and the Supremes... Aretha Franklin and the Jackson 5. What a memory!!
A couple days ago, I looked out the window at my little blue car, sitting there in the yard, a sad wounded look about it. I longed to jump in it and run up the road.... sigh. Then a flicker of an idea!!! I loaded my ipod with a few heavy bump songs and grabbed my keys. I went out, started the car and plugged in the ipod. The first song began, I cranked the volume and began to feel it. The vibration of the bass flooded my little car, the drivers seat one continuous wave of subtle movement felt only by my body.  And the music runs through me like water flows in a creek. Big sigh.. I miss this so much..... and so the singing begins.
(It's not an ordinary car stereo here, I (Yes I said I) removed factory stereo and replaced it with a Sony Xplode and I have two 12's driven by 800 watts, in a huge box that takes up the entire trunk. It may not be a high end system but it cranks for me!!)
I sat in that car, maybe an hour, singing, banging on the steering wheel, feeling the power of the music, feeling the love or pain of the words I screamed sang. The only thing missing was the movement, the actual driving of the vehicle. But inside me, heart racing, mind searching for lyrics, crackly voice trying to keep up, I felt alive!
I can't imagine what the neighbors thought I was doing, but it didn't matter to me, just as it doesn't matter to me what the average other driver on the road thinks when they spy me wailing away in my own little world. To me this is heaven. Sorry,

gotta go,

now playing....

Kickstart My Heart!!

=)