It's Mother's Day. And it is a dreary rainy day here in Alabama. This weather certainly reflects my mood. My Mom is 500 miles away. On my mind she is, and without it being 'her special day' I am more worried about her than ever. She has emphysema. Full blown. She has been on oxygen for more than 10 years. During our last phone call she informed me that her air intake is at the maximum. This means, in regular people terms, that there are no portable tanks large enough to sustain her away from her home for more than an hour. Virtually homebound. This is very bad as my Mom, for her age (77) and physical health, is so independent! But her fate is inevitable.
I have seen her health declining the last couple times I've been to visit her. I've seen her struggle from point A to point B, literally losing her breath and having to stop and take a seat to catch her wind. I keep telling myself that she is okay, when in reality, she is not. As if this isn't bad enough news for the little girl in me, I am days away from the anniversary of my Father's death. It's been 28 years. Gone so long that I hardly remember what he looked like, or the sound of his voice.
I am longing for another time, so long ago. But it's gone, a distant memory. I want so desperately to go back. To an easier life, when things were so simple. I am feeling so low. On so many levels I have so much, yet I want for more. Nothing tangible comes to mind... only a longing. I miss my Dad and with my Moms health deteriorating it is coming at me full force. Feelings of loss are so thick I can hardly think.
Through the rain tonight, I will drive myself to work.
With those thoughts of days gone by...
I love you!
ReplyDelete